To begin I'm an atheist and will...

To begin I'm an atheist and will always happily remain so. However, I'm known to be one of the most kind and sensitive people I know. All my life I've been heterosexual. In my early twenties I had a couple bad relationships end very poorly. I was always open for experimentation with the same sex but as I pursued it when I was depressed I truly shamed myself. I've slept with 6 shemales in my life. I couldn't help that the thought of them allured me. But now, months after the fact I'm drenched in guilt. My eyes are so heavy all the time. I keep thinking how horrible a person I will be forever as I'll never tell my wife everything I've been through. I'll never tell anyone. I feel lesser than everyone. I hate myself and the acts I commited.