screwed up my life

i have lied, stolen, cheated, abused my kids, purposefully driven away husbands ( yes husbands) done drugs ( sober now for 30 days ) gambled away hundreds and hundreds of dollars when I was unemployed and while employed. I immersed myself with the dark side for years and it brought nothing but more pain and misery. I decided that it was time I got this off my chest and got my life on track. Im tired of keeping up with one lie or another just to " save face" Im tired of waking up or going to bed craving to smoke just one more blunt or hit the slots one more time. There is nothing magical or supernatural with the darkside....just more burden to bear. Rock bottom sucks and I want to do better for myself and my family. I was ashamed of mysel